let it burn.

[James Potter]

Who the hell was Albert Einstein? James could only answer that question to an extent, and not a long extent either. He’d been walking through the corridors and overheard a droning voice coming out of the Muggle studies classroom. Apparently, this Albert Einstein was a smart guy. From what James Potter heard, the man seemed to be almost as clever as himself. Geniuses like himself and Albert Einstein needed time to themselves, to think. That’s exactly what James had in mind when he came to sit among the flowers. Einstein sat alone and thought about his theory of relativity nonsense, and James thought about his pranking.

Not on- not one single prank had been preformed that year. The group had been torn into pieces following Sirius’s stupidity. However, that was not enough reason to abandon the task that had brought the four of them together in the first place. Sirius was probably catting around with some girl; Remus was most likely in the library. Peter was probably unwrapping some snack he knicked from someone else’s bag. James, well, James was alone with nothing to do. Girls were great, he loved girls, but he couldn’t be with one every moment of every day, even if the girl changed on the hour. It got boring.

If they all had something better to be doing, James would put himself to good use. He would plan a prank that would attract them all back. The problem was, he didn’t have all four parts of his brain with him. James only had the plan-making bit of his mind. He didn’t have the part that could calculate and work out all the kinks. He didn’t have the part that would do anything for fun, even if it sounded like a terribly stupid idea. And he didn’t have the useless part that did nothing but engorge itself, but still felt necessary. He’d come out here to think of something brilliant, but found himself thinking of his Head Boy duties.

James sat on the tree stump that bordered the edge of the flower gardens. He had to patrol tonight. He’d gotten used to patrolling by now. Yell at the kid, send him to bed. Yell at the couple, send them to bed. When James tilted his head up to meet the horizon with his eyes, he saw the sun going down. The time for another mind- numbing patrolling session was closing in on him. Instead of go to dinner like he knew he should, James sat alone. There was something to be said for this being alone. No yelling and chattering and mindless gossip.

For the first time in a long time, James could feel his fuse burning. That meant he knew when not to do something. He knew when the fuse would run out and the candle would go out. So, instead of thinking of pranks, he ended up thinking about schoolwork. Alone time; a mixed blessing.

ooc; this is for lxve's lily.

[Lily Evans]

Lily was exhausted. No, more even than that. She was dead upon her very feet. Staying conscious was hardly possible for more than five minutes, and mere second were eternities in her mind. In every single one of her classes, it appeared as if the professor had not actually spoken, simply mouthing all lectures and instructions. It seemed hardly a noise had reached Lily's ears all day, aside from the short, inquiring questions of teachers that she encountered at the end of every class, wondering if she was alright and perhaps something had happened at home? It had gotten to such an extent that during her last class, she, one of the top Potions students, had nearly caused her Draught of Peace to explode when she had added too much powdered moonstone, and the catastrophe had only been avoided when Slughorn had rushed over to add its counterpart, her partner throwing her a terrified glance.

That conversation had been the worst of all, Slughorn calling her to the front as everyone scrambled out of the morbid dungeons that seemed to give most students the chills. He'd asked if she was alright - yes - and how she'd been sleeping - not very well - and bade her to feel better and work hard, because he just knew that one day she'd be famous and winning an Order of Merlin and thanking her school days Potions instructor. She'd attempted a wide smile, but all she could manage was to curve her lips slightly in effort to keep her eyes open, and finally been sent on her way with a small vial of sleeping potion and a warning not to take it unless she had eight hours before she had to be up.

The truth was, though, that she might not have the option of taking the potion for quite some time. Patrols lately had been quite lengthy, with all of the new seventh years rejoicing in their last year of school. It seemed more people were out breaking curfew than she'd come across in years past and, while Potter was much more helpful than she would have thought, he was much easier to live with than she could have previously wished. It was getting so tiresome to come up with reason to snap at him and be overly irritable, especially when, for once, he was being unreasonably tolerable. However, it was harder still to succumb to the knowledge that perhaps he wasn't as bad as she had thought, so Lily continued to treat him as she would have a year prior, as if he were something slimy she'd found on the bottom of her shoe.

Her current state couldn't be completely blamed on him, though. Recently she'd been taking double patrol duties, walking the corridors with Remus at night, as well. Marlene, who'd been selected as the sixth seventh year prefect in her wake, had come down with an awful illness lately and had taken to the Hospital Wing. Remus had protested at her suggestion than she take on poor Marlene's duties and help him with his tasks, but she couldn't bare to think of him patrolling alone in the castle and eventually he'd relented. Despite what she might say, however, it was obvious that the extra work was taking a toll on her. Her professors had been heaping the work on lately, as well, informing the students that this was their last year and next year they would face the real world and didn't they want to be prepared?

Frankly, Lily couldn't remember the last time she'd slept in more than thirty minute increments, scrambling to finish an assignment and then waking up a short time later, her face pressed against the page and ink splattered across her fair skin like a second set of freckles. And now, when she finally had some free time for a short kip, she couldn't sleep. It was dinner and the dormitory was empty but for her and the Common Room was quiet for once and still she lay in bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling, her eyelids previously so heavy now almost unable to close. Her mind was restless and her body fidgety and she was almost ready to damn all of her responsibilities and drink all of the liquid in the vial on her bedside and sleep for a year straight. But her conscience denied her that relief, and so she was stuck.

But perhaps if she took a walk, got all of her energy out and thought through everything on her mind, perhaps then she'd be able to sleep...

It wasn't long till Lily found herself in the Entrance Hall, enjoying the breeze from the open doors and stepping out into the waning sunlight that was twilight. It wasn't until she'd reached the flowerbeds, admiring the way the soft light played over the colorful petals, that Lily had spotted the dark head of James Potter. But she was too tired to hide or turn back, too tired to even feel the usual sense of dread that tingled in the back of her mind. Instead, she turned towards him, unceremoniously plopping down onto the prickly grass besides him. Maybe she'd get lucky and he would act like his usual prat of his self, and she could wear herself out fighting with him and fall asleep right there in the flowers...

"Nice evening, isn't it?"[/font]

[James Potter]

James was getting a lot of that too. That, meaning bothersome little comments from his professors that he’d better be prepared for next year. They made it sound like he’d be shivering under a box in the rain on the streets if he didn’t turn in a two-foot long essay about vampires by Monday. For so long, James had blown off these reminders about his impending adulthood and laughed them off with Sirius, who was also getting his share of remarks. This year was different for James. He’d started to actually think about his adult career and life, and what role school would play in it. No one wanted an idiot who barely passed all of his classes to work for them. Before, that was an acceptable option and he would work in a low- key atmosphere with little pay and support only himself.

What kind of a life would that be?
James knew it would be boring. The truth was that even though he’d imagined himself as a multi- woman man, and he only really needed himself, he got lonely. When he was pricked, he bled and when he was sitting about, swaying his legs back and forth against a tree stump he got bored. All this sort of thinking was entirely too new for him, and it was taking a while to welcome these strange thoughts into his brain. He’d always thought he’d spend his seventh year having nothing to worry about but fun. Now there were too many worries.

He’d been doing all of his schoolwork. Every last essay had been looked over once, and then turned in. Surprisingly, he got pretty good marks on everything he did. Not as great as say, Lily Evans, but certainly presentable. His parents sent letters about how proud they were of him. They sent cakes and cookies, and gift packages to encourage his hard work. Sirius scoffed and Remus was kindly about it all. Peter was just himself, struggling terribly to get through classes. James had even helped him, with the exact same posture as Moony when he was helping Wormtail. That was scary.

James tried to inspire ideas to recapture his old stuff, but none of that really appealed to him anymore. He did enjoy seeing people react to a joke, but he didn’t have the time to sit down and plan them anymore. Most of his friends except for Sirius of course, welcomed this change and called James more mature. There was also the matter of Lily Evans.
She didn’t congratulate him on a job well done. If anything, she was finding more and more trivial things to snap at him about. James could hardly see her insults coming from left field. It almost seemed she was scraping them up from the bottom of the barrel, and James didn’t see why. Maybe- there was a small chance- she really didn’t want to date him. Even then, why didn’t she at least want to be friendly with him? He’d been trying to be a perfect gentleman with her (even though he slipped up some of the time).

James bent his leg at the knee and placed one foot on top of the stump, while the other leg hung there. He placed his elbow on his knee and his chin on his knuckle. All these changes were being contemplated in the all too full mind of James Potter, when a pretty voice floated to him over the breeze that was messing with his hair.
His head snapped up, though he knew who was speaking before his hazel eyes met with her green ones. Even though they looked to have more of a droop than usual, he still had a hard time looking away. His stomach contorted nervously.
“Yeah,” He said quietly, looking away from her and out to the sunset as she sat in the flowers next to him. “It’s a real nice evening.” He looked down at her again, thinking he wished he had a camera of sorts. Lily, sitting with the flowers.

The more he looked at her, the more evident her current state became to him. Her eyes had lost a bit of their spark, and her tone wasn’t as crisp as it usually was. James, due to the unrest between his friends, didn’t know that Lily had taken another shift in addition to the one she already preformed with him, therefore he didn’t know what she could be doing to make her look so… off.

“You look burnt out, Evans.”

[Lily Evans]

Even in her current state of fatigue, she was conscious enough to take the smallest of pleasure at his discomfort, and his sudden start at the sound of her voice almost brought a slight smile to her lips that was too weak to reach her eyes. She was completely useless, almost pathetic in her complete inability to properly pick a fight. The words meant to be said in a biting tone had come out with a gentle undertone, surprisingly soft with their honest sincerity. It had almost seemed sweet. Disgraceful, that's what it was. A slight frown instantly creased her mouth, sharpening lines around her mouth as heavy-lidded eyes narrowed characteristically, as they always did in his presence. Even lately, with his charm and manners and the coy smile that threatened to emerge from her lips at any moment, she was careful to retain the expression.

His gaze fixed on her felt invasive as it took in her poor attire and slack posture, calculating and measuring and far too observant for her liking. His attempt at conversation revealed that he had, in fact, become far too insightful to her moods and seemed curious as to the cause, though he had not asked why. His tone had seemed almost concerned as to her well being, and while this expression and admission on any one else would have been endearing, on him it was, frankly, exasperating. While she was unable to summon the complete anger that should have been accessible to her at all points in time, she was able to muster up a sharp irritation, and the frown quickly became something of a glare, her eyes tightening even more.

"That tends to happen when one must take on three jobs, Potter."

In addition to her emotions, even her tone was betraying her, now. It was not nearly as quick as she would have liked, nor as accusing as it should have been. She'd even fallen to addressing him, something she had attempted to avoid as of late. His recent behavior was so out of character for him that it had seemed almost as if it were someone else, a fact that had bothered her and nagged at her mind until she had to sit around for minutes at a time, contemplating it rather than dismissing it as she should have. By acknowledging him in the use of his name, she was cementing the idea that this was him even more, making his attitude even more curious and in need of much more scrutiny, something she was not willing to give him.

Lately, it had become harder and harder to detest him as thoroughly as she used to. His lack of pranks and general mischief was taking a toll on her conscience, and she almost wanted to be kind to him at times, even more extreme than the forced politeness she had handled him with in the past when he had been on his best behavior. The sudden annoyance with herself rather than him made her want to pull all of the flowers from the garden, only to ruin something beautiful. Fingers danced across the grass to play with the stem of one, but her lips pursed together in a stubborn reprimand and she forced herself not to kill the helpless plant, instead leaving it to turn its petals towards the sky.

Completely pathetic.

Green eyes severe with vexation swiveled back to lock onto his, one auburn eyebrow raising in a challenge of sorts. Go on, she dared him. Keep asking your questions, start an argument, pull out your wand, even. Do something to set her nerves on edge, to make her blood boil. Go back to the position you used to hold in her life as personal outlet for all anger and aggravation and negativity. Don't destroy defy every nasty thought she's ever thought about you over six years in a few short weeks. Provoke her. Please.[/font]

[James Potter]

Even when he was being civil, she could still find something in his very short observation to snap at him for. A very small smile appeared on his face in amusement. He halted the smiles growth, hoping to Merlin she wouldn’t see it. If she did, she might start screaming and accusing him of reveling in her abominable state and mood. Then she would huff off angrily toward the castle. The fact of the matter was he didn’t want her to go. Even though his stomach churned like his dinner wasn’t in its rightful place, it was pleasant. The sun made him squint, as it was about to settle below the mountain.
James looked down at Lily. The sunlight settled on her hair, highlighting the strands of auburn hair bright. Even that look in her eye that was extinguished these days came back, almost in full. He wanted to tell her all that, but he didn’t.

Not wanting to stare, he looked to the flowers. They were all drinking in the sunlight. How did he come to be here, surrounded by flowers and a sunset with a girl that he adored? How could she be so cranky, with the romantic settings laid out for them by nature itself? Maybe he could shift her bad mood, make it a good one. Maybe she’d talk to him like a normal human being. Fat chance.


"That tends to happen when one must take on three jobs, Potter."

“Three jobs?” James eyes widened a bit, but that let too much sun in and he quickly reduced the wide- eyed look to the squint again. “That’s rough. What are those three jobs?” It was strange to him that he was talking to her, and listening, and not just staring at her attributes through her shirt. Though, it was best to accept what came and not question the workings of his own mind.
There was still a chance he could make the best of this situation.

James put both legs down, touching the ground and shaking them out. He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting on that trunk, but his legs and back told him it had been forever. His muscles were already sore from the start of what appeared would be a very rough Quidditch season. The boy picked one of the flowers from the little garden. He wished it could be a lily, as that would be fitting, but it was a mere daisy or something common like that. Oh well, it would have to do.

James walked the short distance to her, extending his arm down and giving her the daisy. “Here’s hoping you get a bit of sleep, you look like you could use it.” He teased, just a bit. It was in his nature to tease, everyone all the time. He thought he’d done a good job of not doing it as much, because some and Lily in particular didn’t seem to appreciate his snide comments. It was there in his eyes though. Fondness, admiration.
It had to be hard being Lily Evans.

He didn’t really know about her inner turmoil, and how his absence of immaturity and the likes was making her dislike herself, but how could he? He was merely trying to get her attention. Not as the little idiot she had to yell at and discipline and not as the bully she had to save people from, but as a boy she could possibly get to know. And like.

[Lily Evans]

She almost smiled at his inquiry, her lips aching to twist into that ghost of a smile that was really more of a smirk, but she bit down on it, instead. After all, the expression wasn't one of gratitude... Well, perhaps it was, but only that he had asked the exact question she had hoped, and now she could really let him know how she felt about this whole Head Boy situation. He was awful, he always wanted to break rules, or skip duty and go sit in the kitchens. When he, did confront a student breaking curfew, or something of the like, he generally just laughed, aside from the times when he acted overly cranky and barked at them. He was constantly trying to make small talk and be polite and funny and nice and he was succeeding at times and, frankly, it was driving her batty.

All of this was on the tip of her tongue, and more, yet when she opened her mouth to chastise him and let him know every single mistake he'd ever made and every single flaw he'd ever had, all that came out was "Tiring, that's what they are..." First she couldn't bring herself to be properly annoyed by him, and now she couldn't even insult him at all? Honestly! Lily grimaced, disgusted by herself, by his overkindness, by the way part of her almost smile before was because he was caring and wondering about her well being rather than immediately asking her out or teasing her or making snarky remarks like he used to. This behavior, from the both of them, was absolutely loathful and she wasn't sure if she could stand another minute of it. She either had to snap at him - immediately - or leave.

Yet she did neither, choosing rather to just sit there and glare sullenly and the field of flowers. Damn him. Damn herself! And even know, as he plucked a flower from in front of them, with which to do something exasperating, she was sure, she found herself biting her lip a little, gazing at where the flower had been, envious of his carefree attitude. And now he was stretching, standing, walking over to her. Good. Make some infuriating comment about her name or her being a flower or anything of that nature. Maybe she could get frustrated with that, enough to finally let him have it, be free of the weight sitting directly onto her shoulders, and go sleep for an hour or two before she had to wake up to patrol once more.

But no! He couldn't even do that right! Instead he was leaning over and holding it out for her to take, a smile evident in his teasing voice. Did he honestly expect her to take it, to be grateful for it, to fawn over him and this sweet gesture and allow herself to swoon directly into his arms, only to ride away on his knightly white horse into the sunset? This, at least, could inspire proper rage in her. Suddenly murderous, she shoved herself to her feet and gathered herself up to her full height, looking him straight in the eye, glaring. Two tastefully manicured fingers reached out to snatch at the head of the flower, twisting it right off its stem and flicking it at his face. "I don't need your pity, Potter," she hissed, voice lethal, eyes trained on him. "I don't need your kindness or your good wishes or anything of the sort. Why don't you go plan a prank with Black and Peter so Remus can just take over your job? After all, it's your fault that I haven't slept in ages! If I didn't have to do my job, Marlene's job, and your job, I wouldn't need any sympathy at all!"

Finally she'd at least said it. Yelled it, more like, her eyes still blazing, locked on his. Her teeth ground together unpleasantly, fingers curled into fists at her side as she snarled. One hand flexed and tightened again, her conscience gnawing at her stomach. It had been a little harsh, she had to admit that. However, it had also been a lovely release, and, really, hadn't that been what she'd been waiting for since the beginning of the year? Finally being truly angry at him, able to feel flames licking at her fingertips, steam clouding her vision? Hadn't it been what she'd been wishing for all along? It was a bittersweet victory, slightly more sickening than satisfying. Even now, when she finally got what she wanted, her own emotions were betraying her.


[[sorry for being such a bitch and taking so long. hahah.]]

[James Potter]

She obviously didn’t understand how humiliating this was. James was still bent at the waist, offering her the little daisy as she slowly considered him. He didn’t know what he expected from this gesture. Certainly he didn’t think she really would call him her love and run off into the forest with him, did he? Well, that would have been nice but he really just expected her to smile that sweet little smile and thank him or something. Then James would smile back and enjoy the for once pleasant silence between them.
Obviously, Lily didn’t want him to experience that joy. James was taken aback when the white head of the daisy flicked him in the face. His face betrayed shock, not anger, not yet. He’d never really seen her like this.

She was vicious, not her usual politely letting him down or at least some semblance of herself while she was telling him to get lost or go to hell. Several students turned to look, seeing James shocked and Lily yelling at him. James smiled soothingly at them for a second before looking back at his crazy comrade. One would think they’d think this was nothing out of the ordinary, as it was common knowledge that James wanted to date Lily, and Lily wanted nothing to do with James. Apparently they all thought it was interesting though, as they all watched the pair curiously and even closed in a bit.

"I don't need your pity, Potter. I don't need your kindness or your good wishes or anything of the sort. Why don't you go plan a prank with Black and Peter so Remus can just take over your job? After all, it's your fault that I haven't slept in ages! If I didn't have to do my job, Marlene's job, and your job, I wouldn't need any sympathy at all!"

He really didn’t know what he was supposed to do here. His first instinct was to yell at her, scream back at her and tell her to remove the stick from her are at once because it was making her quite a bother. So, it was his fault that she wasn’t sleeping, was it? How could someone she claimed to be so insignificant in her life be that way if he was making her lose sleep? James knew she’d have a few choice words for this.
This fight had been started so quickly and without warning that he thought she might have lobbied for it. Why the hell would she want to have a screaming match with him? Perhaps she really did just need a little nap.

He knew she wouldn’t love that phrase if he spoke it to her either. So what the hell could he say? James thought sometimes, particularly lately when she’d been so quick to bite his head off before he commited any offence, that he should just give up. She didn’t like him, she didn’t want anything to do with him and couldn’t he just take a hint? When her face was twisted in rage like this, he didn’t find himself too fond of her either.

He couldn’t let her go though. No matter how logical it sounded, he couldn’t just walk away from her. She shot him down so much, but he was already down so what did he have to lose? Nothing. Besides, it was hard to leave behind something he was so fond of. When he was alone in his dorm, he didn’t only think about shagging her senseless. He thought about her laugh and her smile, he thought about the way she looked when she was bent over pages of homework. He thought about her voice when she answered a question in class and her hair cascading down her shoulders. James was much more pathetic than anyone would have previously been able to guess.

Still, the question stood: what was he supposed to do here? He’d never get that answer by himself, so he decided to ask for some help.
In a calm, level voice that betrayed neither anger, nor fondness he deadpanned, “What do you want me to say, Lily?”

James dropped the green stem into the rest of the flowers.

[Lily Evans]

Vibrant green eyes stayed locked on him, narrowed in disgust. The slew of students that had been wondering or relaxing aimlessly about the grounds had perked up at the sound of her voice growing in both volume and pitch. Lily and James's public fights had been suspiciously nonexistent lately, and Lily was sure that the students had grown impatient, waiting for something else to happen to whisper about to their friends. There had been the occasional rumor that now that they'd stopped screaming at each other in public, they were secretly dating, but that was dispelled by the fact that although she had refrained from barking at him, she still looked at him with those same looks dripping with disdain, her mouth set in a firm line of disapproval.

But now, here they were, and Lily was raging at him and seething and just generally returning back to her normal self. Not only was she chewing him out, but it was unprovoked and he wasn't even saying anything back. Gossip mongers perked up around them, pulsing in just the slightest bit closer, straining their eyes to listen better so as to fuel their discussions with supposed friends and strengthen know-it-all looks. Regular students looked up curiously, focusing their eyes on the two standing there, Lily straightening herself up to her full height to appear as intimidating as she could, James merely staring down at her, his silence almost as loud as her voice.

She could feel eyes watching her, something that would usually discourage her and remind her of how cruel or callous she must look, something that would usually inspire her to instead lean forward and vehemently whisper her last statements before straightening, raising her head high, and turning to leave. Instead, it made her feel more confident, more sure, more encouraged. At least if they had an audience, she wouldn't crumble and crack and apologize with a worried look and quiet voice. At least now she could stand her ground, no matter what he threw at her, and throw she certainly expected him to. After all, she'd plucked a fight out of nowhere and sprung it at him, chastising him for something that she knew he hadn't done, at least not purposefully.

However, she was not expecting a flat voice and penetrating eyes, searching her for answers. She wasn't expecting the use of her name to sting and to have to suppress a flinch at the sound of it rolling off his tongue in such a manner. What did she want him to say? Well, hell if she even knew. Hadn't the entire ruddy point of this been so he could get mad and yell at her and they could fight until she was exhausted and could finally fall asleep? All she wanted was for him to provoke her and stir the fire and look at her in disgust the way she was looking at him, but she couldn't possible answer like that. All he could do was make this even harder for her by not being completely monstrous in return, instead feeding her guilty conscience even more until she almost couldn't stand the gnawing in her stomach, and now he wanted her to improvise both sides of the dialogue?

She wanted to tear her eyes away from him, to look away from his seeking gaze and turn back time, and merely take the flower from him and remain silent instead of throwing it in his face. She wanted him to tell her why he was being so nice lately, and stop it, immediately. But instead, she took a deep breath, clenching her jaw and tightening her fist once more for motivation. Scoffing quietly, she refused to drop her eyes and maintained the gaze, the tension between them almost palpable. "I don't want you to say anything, Potter. It's what I want you to do that matters. I want you to step down as Head Boy. I want you to suggest Remus as your replacement. I want you to grow up, become a human being. And most of all, I want you to stay out of my life and never speak to me again." Her tone was scathing, her eyes the same, but her heart wasn't even half in it, and even more worryingly, she wasn't sure if she actually wanted any of that at all.[/font]

[James Potter]

There was an inner battle going on inside James as well. Most of it stemmed from the fact that her words, her tone, her gestured hurt. Hurt? A girl had never hurt James, besides the physical smacks he’d gotten over the years. Those didn’t hurt nearly as much as Lily standing here, looking at him with absolute revulsion. He wasn’t about to break down, weeping tactlessly and drawing even more eyes and more words to add to the endless gossip mill. He wasn’t going to beg her to give him a chance, as he’d never once done. He wasn’t going to do any of that, because he couldn’t stir himself to do anything anymore. What was it about him that made her hate him so much? Initially, he thought it was his demeanor. The act of an almost grown- man holding tight to childlike behavior. James wasn’t totally aware that he’d changed for the better. The only proof was the grades he received and the very subtle eyebrow rising as his teachers watched him in class.

James could also sense the people around them. This might encourage him to snap back with a biting comment, or suavely compliment her in a way that she would most likely find revolting. He didn’t do anything for those eyes. Those eyes slowly diminished until they were nothing, they didn’t even register in his brain. The only eyes he saw were Lily’s, haughty and the most beautiful shade of green. She was so beautiful, every bit of her. Although, she was a completely anti- typical woman for James. She was always put together, she was always on time and she was always thinking. Thinking everything through all the time, every second victim to her picking it apart. They were different. Too different. James wondered for a moment who was the ideal man for Lily? Who did she have her eye on, if anyone?

That’s when it smacked him upside the face for the first time. In these past few years of her vehemently denying that she felt anything for him other than disgust. Who did she have her eye on? Not him. She didn’t want him, she was spitting it out very plainly and in no uncertain terms. There was no way to change her mind; he’d been trying to do just that for quite a while. First to prove he could, but not because he wanted her. He wanted her so damn badly, all for himself. She didn’t want anyone but Remus. Remus, Remus always pleading that Remus would be a much better choice and Remus knew so much more about it than he did. For the first time since he’d been awarded the Head Boy post, James wished Remus had been awarded it instead.

He knew Remus would have been a much better choice for the job. Everyone did, they just weren’t saying it to him. What the hell had Dumbledore been thinking? James didn’t gain anything from this. He’d thought he did, having to tell students off for stupid things and realizing he’d been a little pisser like those very students and how unnecessary it was for him to do stupid things that didn’t improve the quality of his life at all. However, that realization greatly colored this one. The only thing he’d figured out from patrolling the hallways with Lily every night, was that she hated him. She really, really didn’t want anything to do with him.

The words stung, and James physically flinched when they’d all left her mouth. She might have doubted her words, but James thought they were as hard as granite and struck him just as savagely. Under her steely gaze, he faltered and looked away from her. The Forbidden Forest was dark today, even under the sun beating down on them. He’d rather be in the midst of those woods than were he was now, being berated with hurtful truths, one right after the other. This time, he decided she deserved a reply that made a little sense.

“You’re asking things that are out of my control,” James said, now looking back in her direction but not quite meeting her cold stare, his tone the same deadpan it had been. It was true enough, if he could choose what position he could play in the school, it would be nothing but slacker student and Chaser. “Except,” He began. “That last thing. That last thing, I can do.” Finally, he turned away from her. His legs felt heavy as he walked up the slope up to the castle. He didn’t know what he was going to do now. This wasn’t a story for Sirius, partly because he’d come off as a stupid little girl with hurt feelings. This wasn’t a story at all. It was simply a memory that he would have to replay in his mind over and over, even if he didn’t want to. That glare of hers was very hard to forget, on this day.