WWJD; nothing's changing

[siriusblack]

There was something about empty corridors in a cold castle that urged a mind into motion. Hanging over Sirius's shoulder was a feather-light bookbag, its only contents a piece of vaguely square, blank parchment. He'd taken the empty page without notifying anyone that he'd done so, and the only thing that made him feel guilty was that he hadn't even needed to use it. He was moving around the school, taking steps and turns and shortcuts appropriately with instincts and familiarity as his only guides. He periodically shot hot, colourful sparks at the portraits he passed. When he'd started walking, he delighted in the grunts they'd make in their sleep, or the way their faces would twitch like something was on them. The longer he'd gone, though, the less he noticed. His bursts of heat and light were now only a distraction, entertainment for his hands while the cogs in his head churned and pulsed and steamed.
He wasn't thinking of anything that, for the soon-to-be-graduating student, was unreasonable or unorthodox, but for the same reason as every other young person his age, he was troubled. Sirius used to scoff at parents (well, not his parents), professors, friends and superiors who tried to warm him about the "Real World", the world where there was no more fun and games, and where a young boy of seventeen became a young wizard of eighteen, and also a part of society and eventually a "Real, Adult Wizard" who had to be able to function by himself. 'This is my real world,' he'd say, leaning back in his chair (or against the wall) and smirking, 'I'll just take what comes'. He knew how to conjure a few good spells (more than most of his year, anyway), and even understood a good few skills. As the "Read World" and "Real Adulthood" loomed closer and closer over him, however, he began to fear its inevitability. There's nothing to fear but fear itself said his confident voice, but he also thought that it was a hell of a lot easier to fear the unknown. Because he knew nothing about the "Real World" that he was supposed to be entering.

Who was there to help him during the transition?
Not my parents, that's for sure, he thought.
Whiner, he shot back.
Where would he go after Hogwarts?
Well, James’s house, of course.
But that was a dreamer’s voice, an optimistic, child's voice. The voice of someone who couldn't stand on their own two feet. He suddenly clenched very hard on his wand, and startled a group of old wizards (slumped in their seats with playing cards in their limp hands) into waking with a large bolt of what looked like purple lighting, sounded like a Giant yelling "pff" and smelled like cabbage. They grumbled at him, and he grumbled back.
Sirius Black was perfectly capable of standing on his own two feet. Hadn’t he proven that when he left home in the first place? Had he been completely codependent, he never would have worked up the nerve to tell that.. that woman who she really was. Had he been completely codependent, it occurred to him, he wouldn't have been in Gryffindor.
In truth, despite his lust for independence, he couldn’t imagine being alone. It wasn’t abandonment that he was afraid of, because he knew there were people thinking fondly about him everywhere, and a few of them were even thinking more than “Merlin, he’s attractive.” It was imagining himself sitting in some mediocre flat while all his mates went off and got married, alone because (as had been explained to him so many times), "YOU HAVE SERIOUS COMMITMENT PROBLEMS."

He was sure his mates wouldn't forget about him. He was sure they'd never leave him. He was fully confident that the Marauders would never have anything more than physical distance between them.

But he wasn’t sure if Remus was even going to show up, tonight. He was ready to say he didn't care if Remus showed up, the arse, but he was having trouble convincing himself it was true.

His fist closed tightly around his wand, again, and startled another portrait to consciousness, and this one began to sob and scream. This made Sirius's head snap up and his mind become blank, again, and he chuckled in spite of himself. If the entire corridor woke up, even the Map wouldn't help him. Sleep-deprived portraits had a tendency to guide eager caretakers. Smiling at the screaming portrait and placing a finger to his lips, exhaling a soft "shh," he began walking faster, passing doorways, studying each picture on the wall and checking them off in his head. Pigs, Chess witches, Thin blonde twins, and... there. "The room next to the quiet wizard in shorts and purple socks." The four of them had planned to meet there. Sirius wasn't sure if there was a solid reason, or if it was just the tradition of breaking rules as early as possible.

Upon entering darkened classroom, his mind seemed to switch out of "alert" mode and his head hung with his musings.
The only consolation he could find for himself was telling himself, over and over: we're not gone yet. Nothing’s changing.


oofc: holy ramble. There's like.. one thing to reply to in there. sorry. >) Haha Sirius has feelings. Pansy.

[James Potter]

The first week back at school came with ease. There weren’t mountains of homework- well, there was, but nothing compared to later on in the year. James took the time to settle back into the flow of things at Hogwarts. Returning home had been nothing but relaxation. Things were brought to him on a silver platter and he did what he wanted, when he wanted. Halfway through the holiday, he feared boredom, his worst enemy, would sneak up on him. As if Merlin himself had heard James’s private thoughts, Sirius showed up one cold, rainy evening with a suitcase. It surprised James how little getting used to that took.

They’d lounge around every day, and when that terrible B- word was creeping up on them, they found something to do around the Potter manor or around town. There was always Quidditch practice to be had, and there was always some private joke to be shared. Remus had not visited as he often did during the summer. Maybe it was something to do with him being ‘quite busy’, but Remus hadn’t fallen into that state until after James wrote him and told him that Sirius had come to stay. That was actually the result James had hoped for. Not that he’d suddenly turned against his old friend Moony, he just didn’t want to deal with the uncomfortable silences and perhaps loud arguments that would happen if both Sirius and Remus were in a room together. There was nothing James hated more than a buzz kill, and that was a buzz kill.

So why was he attending this clandestine meeting?

To clear the air, that was why. To catch up this Wormtail and Moony. There was nothing else to do, after all. He’d finished every bit of homework assigned to him. James almost outwardly groaned. A noticeable change in James had occurred since his sixth year. Dumbledore had selected him for Hogwarts Head Boy. That little letter hit James like a fist. The obvious choice was Remus. Remus had done a good job with his Prefect duties last year, and James simply had no interest in rule enforcement. However, Dumbledore was God here, and God’s will be done. James had taken the post and the duties that came with it. He still wasn’t much for yelling at people to follow the guidelines of the school, but he tried to follow himself. If he strays from the rules, he didn’t have to yell at others to do so. That is, if they followed his good example.

He’d never been a good example before. Coupled with this new behavior, was a civil one towards Severus Snape. James had only seen the other boy a few times since being back, but there had been no words passed between them. Severus hadn’t even dared a sneer. When they made eye contact, an understanding passed between them. He couldn’t keep humiliating Snape, lest something horrendous happened again. James had even been upset with Sirius, when the incident initially occurred. How could he not be? James enjoyed a laugh more than most anyone, but endangering others lives was beyond a joke. Endangering Moony was farther still.

He was over that though. No matter what Sirius would say, he needed a friend. They’d been friends too long just to throw it all away. Besides, what was Sirius supposed to do? Go back to insane family?

James rounded a corner and stepped into the deserted classroom the Marauders were supposed to meet in. Automatically, he scanned the room for faces. Sirius was already there, and James stepped inside. He leaned against the farthest wall. This was going to be quite an uncomfortable meeting, when Moony got here. If he got here.

“No sign of our furry little friend, eh?”

[Remus Lupin]

Six years in this place. What did he have to show for it? Absolutely nothing. A spectacular record, which he could do nothing with. It's funny how lycanthropy outweighed what a talented person he was. No business in their right mind would even consider hiring a werewolf. No friends, that was long over. After this past year, he didn't see the point in even speaking to people anymore. Everyone, regardless of how much trust is instilled in them, is going to let you down at one point or another. This holds especially true with the unexpected ones. So, Remus just thought it would be easier to cut friends out completely, like some warped social diet or something. Whatever he used to justify it, it was easily able to see through as many people did, but he was glad to have one friend who didn't press the matter. In fact, the only 'friend' he had left was Lily Evans. Now, Remus didn't exactly know how this faired with James, but at this point he didn't care. As far as he was concerned, James had obviously taken the side of Sirius the moment he let him stay in his house.

Things had changed a lot this summer, maybe the boys were going to have to accept things. People didn't stay friends forever. In fact, he was astonished they had lasted this long. It was a miracle, or maybe a curse. Whichever it was of the two, Remus was relieved to have things be done with, or at least, he had convinced himself to think so. In reality, Remus didn't know how he felt on the situation. Of course he was let down, things he expected to remain a constant shifted and skewed his entire way of thinking. He had done a lot of growing up this summer, for better or worse, and wasn't the person he had been before he left. Having the summer alone to sulk and harbor his bitterness had not done Remus very much good. He was now sullen, a shell of what he had been before. He was more mature now, however, stronger, more independant. He was forced to learn what it was like to be a werewolf in solitude, finally experiencing the monsters of his disease firsthand. Remus had grown accustomed to the distorted view given to him by his wretched disease, though through all of this he made it out to feel enlightened. Feeling as though he had come to know so much, Remus had grown to be a bitter, cold person, weary of the things from his 'past'.

Maybe this could be a good way to finally end things. He could talk to all three of them at once and finally express what was on his mind. He held no bitter feelings towards James or Peter, wished them the best but didn't see a point in talking to them anymore. Sirius, on the other hand, he would only have to further explain the fact that he was scum and unworthy of anyone's patience or acceptance. That should be easy enough to spit out, he'd said it enough times already. Maybe it could finally sink in.

Finally exiting the dormitory and then common room, Remus headed in the same direction he expected the other three had. Figuring to be the last one there, Remus had waited until after James had left before rising, pretending to be asleep the entire time James got ready. As he approached the designated classroom door, Remus' hand grasped the door handle and a pang of guilt hit his gut with strong force. Keeling over slightly, Remus wondered what had brought on this. Never had he experienced any physical pain over this situation before, so what made things different? Shoving the thought of pain aside, Remus composed himself and entered the classroom, honey eyes automatically recognizing the outlines of James and Sirius amongst the other shadows. Placing both hands in his slack pockets, Remus lowered his head, giving a brisk nod.

"'Lo.."